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"Chisa Yamoda should have seen it coming when the popular girls invited her to go with them to Cyberia -- the hot new dance club. Chisa usually walked home alone after school. She was the short, plain-looking girl with large glasses. For some reason, today, the three most popular girls in the 8th grade cornered her. Afraid of what to say, she gave in and agreed to go to the club with them after school. She wasnt stupid, she knew they were afraid of going to a club with so many older kids. They wanted to have someone there that was more awkward than they were. "Chisa felt the heavy unavoidability in her heart as they headed towards the club. She couldn't dance, she didnt like their music, and the boys all thought she was a loser. The lump grew in her throat as the other girls pulled her sleeve in excitement. Chisa felt the inevitable embarassment rapdly approaching. About the time she saw the red neon club sign she felt a terrible sense of deja vu. That sick feeling in her stomach, with the cold flash of sweat on her forehead. The dull thumping music seeping out of the crevaces of the club spilling out onto the street triggered something in her mind and her consciousness was flooded with the memories of dreams long forgotten. Memories that awakened something primative that fractured her poor delicate soul. "Her heart froze and sputtered on the fluid backed up within it. Her limbs trembled and tingled, she was unable to run. Deep in her mind, growing louder, came the voice. The voice that she thought only existed in the nightmares she kept buried deep down. This was no longer a harmless embarassment. Somehow this environment awaked the fight for her very soul. The clueless girls shoved her defenseless into the club, it was packed with people and exploding with bizarre techno sounds, sounds that created a life of its own amid the swimming lights and dark shadows. The voice resonated in her head, strangling her. Chisa wanted to vomit. ' You don't belong in this world you belong with me leave this life join me in the eternal wired!' She stood out in the crowd, tightly hugging her schoolbag with white clammy hands, her vision blurred by the lights and deafening sound. The girls laughed at her, but they didnt matter now. Something wanted to devour her soul. "Drenched with sweat, Chisa ran out of the club knocking over a trash can, skinning her knee. Yet amid the girls laughter and pounding music of Cyberia, the voice grew louder in her head, indistinguishable from her own thoughts. ' You don't belong in a place like this leave them leave your flesh you dont have to live like this..' "...and why would she live like this? She knew she didnt belong. Not with them, its been clear her whole life. But where did she belong? 'with me!' the voice beckoned. Scared and confused, Chisa shook her head running down the darkened streets. Everywhere she ran - within her- the voice spoke. The answers now came faster than the questions, driving her up the fire escape along the apartments in the bad part of town. With a tearful grimace she could no longer fight the voice that was commanding her attention. She grinned and looked out in front of her. The voice had led her here -- the rooftop above the citys pulsating lights, looking down on all the clueless people. "She looked down at the city, at all the ignorant people in the rapidly changing world, aging 100 years a minute. She saw children grow old, stoop and crumble into skeletons in the time it took them to cross the streets below.This world was not for her. With a glazed look in her eyes, she climbed out onto the ledge, opposite the flimsy railing. "Chisa took off her glasses and stared at the fuzzy lights below, like a kalediscope of crystals. The wind blew the tears out the corners of her eyes and over her ears. She felt beautiful in some absurd way. She wished they could see her now. Their world was so small -- the world she was leaving. Deep down within her lay a fragment of her soul that mourned for the inevitable; she was swimming to death in this new world. ' You belong here with me leave this world be with me' "She bit her lips and smiled. As her fingers loosened around the rusty metal railing, she thought how real this dream seemed. She saw a strange girl through the mist - on the roof with her, so curious and sad. Chisa looked away and thought of the pretty yellow butterflies that come out in the springtime, she saw their sparkling glittering wings all around her. "She felt so warm despite the howling wind, her eyes stinging with the blissful song in her head. She looked out over the city and became the butterfly, spreading her arms like an angel on crystal wings, lurching out from the ledge. "Her fears had evaporated against her will. In a beautiful moment her mind released the material world around her and was disolved into light. Deep down the little girl screamed. Chisa hit a neon sign halfway down the building, it punctured her limp body and flung her -- crumpled and broken onto the pavement below. Slowly the charcoal sky drizzled cool rain. |
Excerpts from the novel based on "Serial Experiments: Lain" in English |
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